Scene opens on a young girl, Becky (Maya Kendrick), who sits in the back of a car. She looks excited and anxious to get out of the car. The car pulls up to a flawless suburban home with a perfectly manicured lawn. Outside, three people stand. These are the members of the Darling family: husband Doug (Mr. Pete), wife Doris (Dee Williams) and son Davey (Seth Gamble). Becky smiles when she sees them. The three stand in a perfectly straight line and have the same exaggeratingly welcoming smile on their faces. They wave in unison and are all dressed in similarly preppy fashion with matching colored clothing. As the car pulls into the driveway, Becky notices the odd way they’re waving and her smile falters for a second as she regards them skeptically. But she seems to push her worries aside immediately and regains her smile. The car pulls to a stop. Becky thanks the driver and hops out excitedly. She must be Becky!, Doug says enthusiastically. Yes, Becky confirms. Doug introduces himself and presents his wife and son. Doug asks Davey to get Becky’s bags from the car. Davey goes to get the bags.
Welcome to Canada, they are so happy to have her here!, Doris says brightly. Becky says that she’s happy to be here for her cultural exchange, and it’s not nearly as cold as her parents said it would be. Yes, people tend to exaggerate about the climate here, says Doug. ‘We don’t all live in igloos you know!’ Doug adds with a laugh. Why doesn’t he take Becky’s bags upstairs and show her her new room?, Doug suggests to Davey. She arrived just in time for dinner, Doris says. Dinner is every night at six o’clock SHARP, Doug says firmly. ‘And no matter what we are doing, we ALWAYS come home for family dinner at six. NO. EXCEPTIONS.’ Doris says, with an oddly insistent edge. She’ll see that there are many…family rules, but these rules just make them closer as a family, Doris says. ‘Isn’t that right sweetie?’ she asks Davey. Yes Mother!, Davey answers energetically. Becky catches that and laughs nervously. Well, they’d better get Becky’s bags upstairs, dinner will be on the table soon!, Doris says. They’ll take care of paying for the cab while Davey takes care of Becky, Doug adds.
As Davey walks Becky up the driveway into the house, they chat. Um… is everything as…strict as they just made it sound?, she asks with a nervous chuckle. Yeah, Mom and Dad just like things done a certain…way, Davey says. She’ll get used to it, he adds. He thought it was a little weird at first too, he says. He was 15 when his dad married Doris, but it’s been four years now and he’s totally used to all their little rules, he adds. ‘And trust me, once you get used to them, you’ll LOVE it here. I know I do,’ he says with a chuckle, as his eyes look Becky’s body up and down. Becky laughs nervously.
Cut to the dinner table, where the four sit with their meals in front of them. The three Darlings, virtually in unison, fold their napkins and place them onto their laps. Becky looks on, a quizzical expression on her face, but a moment later, follows along, placing her own napkin on her lap. So Davey showed her her new room?, Doug asks. Yes, it’s great!, Becky says happily. Before they can continue their conversation, Doris lightly taps her glass with her fork, getting everyone’s attention. It’s time to say grace!, Doris announces with a smile. The three Darlings join hands, but Becky hesitates. Is there a problem dear?, Doris asks. Um, no, she just…isn’t used to saying grace, Becky says, smiling awkwardly. Well, in this family, they give thanks before every meal, because in life, there is so MUCH to be thankful for, Doug says earnestly. And since Becky’s a part of this family now, it’s important that she takes part in this, Doug adds, again offering his hand for Becky to take.
Becky smiles nervously and takes Doug’s hand and with her other, grasps Davey’s outstretched hand. Doug begins by saying that they are thankful for the meal that they are about to receive, they are thankful for their health, and…they are very thankful for Becky, the newest member of their family. When he says ‘newest member of their family’, all three Darlings turn their heads to look at Becky with unblinking grins. Just as when he married Doris and she became Davey’s mother, they have formed a new family, Doug continues. ‘We are thankful to be blessed with this young woman, who will be taking part in all of our…family traditions,’ Doug adds. As Doug is saying this, Davey’s fingers begin to rub Becky’s palm. Feeling this, her eyes open with mild surprise. She looks at Davey, who stares at her. He slowly licks his lips.
She subtly tries to take her hand out from his but Davey grips her hand harder, preventing her from pulling away. Becky looks towards Doug, who stares back at her with a blank smile. To Becky’s growing alarm, Doug licks his lips. Becky looks toward Doris, who is also staring at her and licking her lips hungrily. She looks around in disbelief at the three of them as they stare back at her.
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They begin to eat. Soon, there is a buzzing sound under the table, coming from where Becky is sitting. She takes her cell phone from her pocket, apologizing. ‘Davey, didn’t you tell Becky about our cell phone rule?’ asks Doris, staring angrily at Davey. No Mother, he didn’t, he says, hanging his head in shame. Doris turns to Becky, her fury replaced by a manufactured smile and an artificial sweetness. ‘Dear, we don’t allow cell phones or any other gadgets like that in this house. We don’t even own a television or a computer actually. Those kinds of things are nothing but…distractions. And we don’t want ANYTHING distracting us from each other, because family…comes first, isn’t that right gang?’ Doris says, smiling her sickly sweet grin. The Darlings all smile back at her and say that’s right.
Oh um ok, well, she’ll put her phone away then, Becky says. Oh no dear, she’ll have to give her phone to Doug for safekeeping, Doris says with a smile. Becky hesitates. They really want her to give her phone to them?, she asks incredulously. Oh yes, Doris says with a smile. It’s for the best, adds Davey with the same smile. But what about emergencies?, Becky asks softly, clearly becoming weirded out. ‘Well, aren’t you going to be spending all your time with us?’ Doris asks. Yes, she sure is, and they’ll make sure that NOTHING bad happens to her, Doug adds, putting out his hand for her phone. Becky hesitates for a moment longer and finally, slowly puts her phone into Doug’s hand.
Cut to a few days later. The family is in the living room, enjoying a game of charades. The family plays a few rounds. When it is Becky’s turn to act out, she acts out the phrase ‘rowboat’ successfully. The family congratulates her. Despite the weirdness of the first night’s dinner, this wholesome family game seems to be helping Becky relax. Next, it is Davey’s turn to act out the clue. He looks at the slip of paper and seeing what it is, smiles mischievously. He gets up in front of the couch, and the family watches him. He begins to squeeze imaginary breasts, staring at Becky as he does so. Becky shifts uncomfortably, looking away. Davey’s parents don’t see anything sexual about it at all and eventually, Doris guesses ‘arthritis’ enthusiastically, seemingly interpreting his squeezing motion as him stretching his arthritic hands. That turns out to be the correct answer and the Darlings cheer.
Can he PLEASE go again?, Davey asks with a smirk. That was too easy and he wants a real challenge with a harder clue, he adds. Well, they ARE just playing for fun and aren’t even keeping score, so she doesn’t see why not, Doris says. Super!, Davey says, choosing another slip of paper. He thinks for a second and begins to mime what can only be licking a pussy, flicking his tongue obscenely in the air as he spreads an imaginary pussy with two fingers of each hand. Again, he stares at Becky as he does it. She is getting increasingly uncomfortable and looks to Doug and Doris for assistance. But they are really into the game, still seemingly not noticing the sexual nature of Davey’s actions, and don’t even look at Becky. Oh wait, he knows this one, he does this ALL the time, Doug says before guessing ‘licking an envelope.’ The Darlings again celebrate the correct answer while Becky looks on, outwardly disturbed now. After a moment, Davey again pleads with his parents to let him go one more time. Doug is unsure, he tells Davey he should let other people have a turn, but Davey almost begs him and he finally relents. But this is the LAST time, Doug adds firmly. For sure Dad!, Davey says and grabs another slip of paper.
He grins and thinks for a moment. He begins to thrust his hips as if he’s fucking. He then mimes a slap, as if he’s slapping the ass of the person that he’s fucking. Again, he stares at Becky, grinning a lustful grin. Becky looks again at Doug and Doris for help, but they don’t pay attention to her. They are just happily guessing, playing the game. This is too much for Becky now. ‘Um HELLO?!, don’t you see what he’s doing?!’ she asks Doug and Doris incredulously. Davey stops his actions. What does she mean?, Doug asks Becky. ‘He’s…he’s acting out…you know…sexual things…and…and staring at me,’ Becky says. Dear, he’s CLEARLY riding, Doug says patiently. Isn’t that right Davey?, Doug asks his son. That’s EXACTLY right!, Davey says indignantly.
Oh come on, they can’t SERIOUSLY believe that!?, Becky says to Doug and Doris. Well, if that IS what happened, it’s certainly no cause for fighting, Doris says. ‘He just got a little carried away is all, and you can hardly blame him. He’s a competitive boy, that one!’ Doris adds with a little laugh. Oh what does it matter anyway, Mom?!, Davey asks. She’s going to find out soon enough what’s REALLY going on,’ Davey adds, a mean-spirited smile on his face. ‘David Darling, don’t you say ANOTHER WORD. Go to your room, young man,’ Doug says instantly. Davey huffs off.
Becky is puzzled and feeling very uncomfortable. Um, what was Davey talking about when he said ‘what’s really going on’?, Becky asks cautiously. Oh nothing Becky, she knows how boys his age like to joke around, Doug plays it off. Is he sure about that?, it didn’t really seem like a joke, Becky probes skeptically. Doug and Doris exchange a conspiratorial glance between them. Becky sees this glance. ‘Please, just tell me, you’re freaking me out,’ she says. Well, they were going to wait until she was fully settled in to tell her, but now Davey’s gone and spoiled that, so they may as well explain, Doris says. Is she sure Becky can handle it?, Doug asks Doris. ‘Well, I guess we’re just going to have to have a little faith in her’, Doris says, running a hand through Becky’s hair. Becky recoils slightly. This is starting to scare her, can they just tell her what’s going on?!, Becky pleads.
Okay honey, she’ll do her best to explain it, Doris begins. Well, her husband, like many men, like many…fathers, has certain…urges, certain…proclivities, Doris continues. And as part of dealing with these urges, Doris and Doug are members of an online group, a…support group of sorts, where other fathers with the same tastes can…help each other, Doris continues. What kind of…urges is she talking about?, Becky asks fearfully. Let’s call them…appetites, Doug offers. His…appetites are—well, most people would frown upon these kinds of appetites, since they involve…his daughter, Doug continues.
Hearing this, Becky’s eyes go wide. ‘Your daughter…wh-what did you do to your daughter??, Becky asks fearfully. Oh don’t worry, she’s absolutely fine and completely safe, Doris explains soothingly. Becky, these urges that they’re talking about are perfectly natural, Doris says, smiling sweetly. But Doug would NEVER act on these urges with their own daughter, Doris continues. ‘Which is why we made an…arrangement with your parents,’ Doug continues.
What the fuck is he talking about?, Becky asks with horror. They made an arrangement that when each of their daughters turned 18, they would…perform an exchange, so that each family could…satisfy their unique appetites, Doug says. ‘S-stop, I don’t want to hear any more of this! You guys are a bunch of sick fucks and I’m getting the hell out of here, I’m going home to my parents,’ Becky says angrily. ‘Give me my phone NOW!’ she practically yells at them.
He’s afraid that’s not possible, Doug says. Her phone is in a safe place, but he can’t give it to her, he adds. ‘Those are the rules of the house, young lady, and as long as you’re part of this family, you WILL obey those rules,’ Doug says firmly. ‘I’m NOT part of your fucking family, asshole!’ Becky fires back. ‘Becky, that’s no way to talk to your father!’ Doris scolds Becky. ‘My FATHER?!’ Becky asks in disbelief. ‘You guys are NUTS, I am fucking LEAVING,’ Becky adds, moving to exit the house.
Where does she plan on going at this time of night?, Doug asks. Where she goes is none of his business, she’s going to call a cab and get out of here, Becky says indignantly. With what money?, asks Doug. What is THAT supposed to mean?!, Becky asks. ‘Well, sweetheart, your bank accounts and credit cards have all been canceled, of course,’ Doris says with sickening sweetness. What?, Becky asks with disbelief. ‘Those people who you used to call your ‘parents’? Well, they don’t want you anymore sweetie. Don’t you see?’ Doris says. ‘You’re OUR daughter now,’ Doug says, smiling. No!, Becky screams, running away in horror. We hear a door slam. Sounds like she went up to her room, Doug says to Doris. Yes, let’s let her rest, it’s been a tough night, Doris says. Yes it has, and they should get some shut-eye too.
Cut to later that night. From the hallway, we see Becky’s bedroom door opening quietly. Becky pokes her head out, looking up and down the hall. It is dimly lit and quiet. Everyone seems to be in bed. She sneaks out of her room, careful not to make any noise. She creeps into the living room, constantly looking over her shoulder to see if anyone has heard her. She is very nervous. She begins to quietly look through the drawers of a cabinet that is in the living room. She doesn’t find what she’s looking for and seems to be getting increasingly frantic as she goes through drawer after drawer.
‘Are you looking for this?’ Doug suddenly says, making Becky jump in surprise. He emerges from the shadows of the hallway, holding Becky’s cell phone in his hand. Becky’s jaw drops and she says nothing. Take it, Doug says, offering the cell phone to her. She narrows her eyes suspiciously. ‘No tricks, just take it and call your parents, then you can finally understand and maybe might calm down a little,’ he says.
She thinks for a moment before approaching Doug, quickly snatching the phone from his hand. He sits on the couch patiently. She frantically dials a number. No answer. She dials it again and again, but still nothing.
‘Do you understand now Becky?’ Doug asks from the couch. She’s stunned.
They didn’t answer, did they?, Doris says, emerging from the hallway. Becky is startled by her sudden arrival. No, Doris knows they didn’t, and that’s because her old life is over, Doris continues, sitting next to her husband on the couch. ‘Your new life is here Becky, and you need to accept that,’ Doug says. Please, come and sit down, Doug says, patting the couch next to him.
Becky seems almost broken by her parents’ rejection and sits down heavily without protest. As part of her new life as a family, as they’ve told her, there are certain rules, and one of those rules, is that they need to have…family time, Doris says as Doug begins to lightly play with Becky’s hair. And family time means being together…as a family….in EVERY way, Doug says, laying his hand on Becky’s lap.
At this, Becky snaps out of her daze. No, no, she won’t be part of their disgusting games, she says, though she doesn’t seem to muster up as much energy. She’s going to leave, and call the police, she says, as she begins to dial on her phone. And what exactly is she going to tell them?, Doris says. No one has done ANYTHING wrong, Doris continues. And she’s so far from home, with no money…and no home to go back to, Doug says.
At that moment, Davey walks in, rubbing his eyes groggily. What’s going on?, he asks. Oh, they’re sorry for the noise, they’re just having a family…meeting, Doris says. Ooh, he LOVES ‘family meetings’, Davey smiles naughtily, shooting a glance at Becky as he pokes his tongue crudely in the corner of his cheek in a classic ‘giving a blowjob’ gesture.
His parents seem to ignore it and Becky looks away in disgust. ‘We were just telling your new sister that she has nowhere to go, so she might as well start following the house rules,’ Doug tells Davey. Dad’s right, and believe him, the house rules aren’t so bad at all, Davey says. ‘When I became his mother, Davey had some…difficulties, but eventually he got into the swing of things, isn’t that right sweetie?’ Doris asks Davey. That’s right, Davey grins, licking his lips as he looks at Doris. ‘And when I finally had a taste of Mom’s goodies, I couldn’t BELIEVE what I had been missing,’ Davey adds, leering now.
Becky looks appalled. ‘You can act all doom and gloom if you’d like Becky, but I for one, think this is cause for celebration. After all, it’s not every day that we get to welcome a new member into our family! And what better way to celebrate than with some quality family time together!’ Doris says brightly. Ok?, Doris asks Becky pointedly. OK BECKY?, Doris asks, a hint of threat creeping into her voice. Okay, Becky says softly. ‘That’s wonderful! So why don’t come over here and give your mother a kiss?’ Doris asks Becky.
