Private Gold 100 Pornolympics: The Anal Games (2008)

Private released this title to coincide with the 2008 Bejiing Olympics, demonstrating a shrewd sense of the topical. With the exception of the first scene, which uses a standard sex-by-the-pool set-up, the movie exploits the Olympics theme by contextualising the sex in a series of sports-related scenarios which are novel and mischievous in their conception. There are no world-class feats of athleticism on offer, but the movie wins a gold medal for its sense of humour, the quality of the girls and the horniness and energy of the sex action.

Private’s logo for the Pornolympics is a clever adaptation of the famous Olympics symbol of five linked rings: the two rings at the bottom are reconfigured as the circular symbols of ying and yang, the male and female principles. This way of adapting the Olympics symbol to a sexual agenda is both subtle and classy. The Pornolympics logo is flashed on the screen every time the movie takes us into a simulated TV broadcast of the next ‘anal game’.

Scene 1: Britney, Zenza Raggi

Television sports broadcaster Sai-Taiger is straddling a dildo attached to her exercise bike, rubbing her twat up and down the sex toy while watching the opening of the Pornolympics on TV and arguing on the phone with her colleague Zenza Raggi about whether their media company will be ready to start shooting the next day. Apparently there’s been a problem with their sponsors. Zenza is rather more laidback about this hitch than the masturbating Sai-Taiger, but then again he’s probably distracted by the luxury of his own location next to an outdoor pool by the coast – and by the companionship of cover girl Britney, who in no time at all is sucking his cock. The link between the Pornolympics concept and Zenza’s scene with Britney is, in fact, a tenuous one: this scene is the only one in the movie which could have been readily dragged and dropped from this sports-themed porno into some other skin flick. A pool lined with palm trees, sex in the sun, some one-on-one fucking… with this first scene we could easily be watching a conventional Private Tropical movie.

Britney is a nasty-looking blonde with an all-over tan, enormous tits and a firm round ass. She has big blue eyes, heavily made up to emphasise her sluttishness, and full pink lips which she parts in snarls of lust whenever she hasn’t got them wrapped around Zenza’s cock. (She’s one of those sexy sirens whose upper lip curls up so far when she’s rutting that it almost touches the tip of her nose.) Britney’s a good stage name for this model, since she does indeed bear a passing resemblance to a certain Ms. Spears – except she looks even dirtier! It’s a very American name, and although this Britney is, in fact, Hungarian, she has about her, somehow, a generic American porn star look. Those incredible big knockers have a lot to do with that!

Zenza savours Britney’s body, kissing her boobs, kissing her feet, kissing her butt and sticking a finger into her tight anus. When he lifts her into the pool she shows her aptitude for cock sucking, taking him deep inside her mouth and bobbing her head up and down energetically. We hear the slurping sounds of sopping wet suction, and strings of saliva dangle between her lips and Zenza’s helmet as she pops his cock in and out of her gob. For good measure she makes a point of munching on his balls, too. Zenza turns her around so that her head is resting against the metal handrail of the steps to the pool: having got her just where he wants her he fucks her face for all he’s worth, pushing his schlong deep into her throat. After this guzzle fest, Britney lies on the tiles beside the pool and turns her hindquarters towards Zenza, who’s standing thigh-deep in water. He shoves his prick straight into her ass and gives her butt an honest-to-God pounding, pausing a couple of times to enter her mouth again for added lubrication. In the process of fucking Britney’s ass Zenza also gropes her mammaries, grasps her neck and gives her face and butt a couple of light slaps. Yee-aah! Judging by the frenzied way she fingers herself, the dirty slut is loving every minute of it!

More anal sex ensues as both performers position themselves on the tiles. Zenza continues to lance Britney from the rear, and she jolts her body with every thrust as if she’s reacting to a series of electric shocks. Next she plays at anal cowgirl, bouncing around on top and displaying the perfect mounds of her sun-tanned buttocks. After this she submits herself at the edge of the pool to a pile-driver butt fuck, treating us to the sight of her opened-up hole as Zenza vigorously plunges in and out.

Finally Zenza lifts up Britney, eases her back into the pool and sits himself at the edge so that she can suck him to completion while he (and the camera) look down at the action. He unleashes a creamy wad of goo over her right cheek, with some of the mess getting caught up in her false eyelashes. Britney is perfectly posed for this facial, with her smooth brown arms bent over his thighs, her long tongue extended and her puckered lips and well-defined nose rubbing against his spent glans. He uses the tip of his cock to smear the sperm across her cheek in the direction of her lips while she looks up filthily – at us as well as him. To sum up: this is one of the best finishes I’ve seen in quite a while. Britney is a big-titted anal queen with a blowjob face: what more could a guy ask?

Scene 2: Stella Decroix, Terri Summers, Andrea Moranty

Sai-Taiger’s earlier consternation with Zenza over the delay in setting up coverage of the Pornolympics seems to have been a red herring, because when we next see her she’s in a TV studio ready to film a link to the first event, a mud-wrestling contest hosted at the ‘Horny Bear’ venue in Brussels. Sai-Taiger looks every inch the professional anchor, immaculately dressed in a silk blouse and with her hair swept back in a tidy bun. She’s dubbed by a well-spoken English voice artist, lending her an accent which reinforces the poised and precise quality of her TV persona. Sai-Taiger’s chic composure and her role in broadcasting the links between the various scenes are in tension with the viewer’s desire to see her directly involved in the action herself. There’s a dramatic pay-off to this in the final scene, Scene 7, but more of that later… (Not that I should feel troubled by writing ‘spoilers’, since the select-a-scene page on the DVD menu provides a boxed clip of the cum-drenching which awaits Sai-Taiger in the TV studio at the end of the movie!)

Sai-Taiger hands over to the master of ceremonies live on location at the ‘Horny Bear’, Andrea Moranty. In turn, he introduces the two mud wrestlers, Terri Summers from Amsterdam and French star Stella Decroix. He acts as umpire during the match. The mud pool is ringed with spectators who cheer on and applaud the scantily-clad competitors. Terri and Stella enjoy a good-natured skirmish in the mud, losing their garments along the way. There are no real wrestling moves here, just a bit of pawing, pushing and giggling. Andrea announces that Stella is the winner. The girls then accost him in the pool and relieve him of his pants so that he can join them for a mud-caked threesome…

This set-up at the ‘Horny Bear’ establishes the format and tone for the rest of the movie much more than Britney’s scene did: from now on, the way into the sex is via funny sporting events and novelty contests. It’s all very ‘Eurotrash’, but that’s part of the charm. How much of a turn-on is it? I would say that this is the only scene in which the novelty factor diminishes the impact of the porn. The mud pool is a lot of fun but maybe it takes away some of the edge from the sex. The same criticism doesn’t really apply in relation to the film’s later scenarios, which are equally amusing but intensely arousing as well.

The scene includes intermittent cock sucking and squelching sex in different positions. Bright overhead lighting makes the mud on the humping bodies really glisten, and it’s fascinating to see the muddy hand prints left all over the girls’ limbs and asses where Andrea gropes and grasps them. Although Terri’s ass looks great all slimed up during the sex, it has to be said that the mud bath doesn’t always flatter her – the glistening mud shows up some ripples around her fleshy belly, and neither girl looks her best with her hair matted. The cumshot is a disappointment because it’s hard to tell the jism from the mud.

An annoying aspect of this scene is that the sex is accompanied throughout by limp applause from the spectators standing around the pool. Many of the onlookers appear bored or embarrassed from the outset, and before long their continued clapping loses any enthusiasm and sounds insincere. One wonders who these people are… supporting artists hired from an agency? members of the crew and their friends? guys associated with the venue? Private fans or competition winners? This kind of scenario requires a live audience, I suppose, but in practice their presence is a bit of a distraction. On the positive side, the three performers’ sense of fun is entertaining. When all’s said and done, there’s enough going on during this enjoyable romp to keep the viewer at home stimulated.

Scene 3: Cherry Jul, Lulu Martinez, Tea Blondie, Veronica Sanchez, four guys

Sai-Taiger invites viewers to text in their nominations of their favourite Pornolympics events before introducing the next scene, a swimming competition held in a full-size indoor swimming pool. This is a great scene, one which exemplifies the Pornolympics spirit completely and turns up the sexual heat by several notches after the mud-wrestling episode.

The scene begins with four girls diving into the pool. Each one swims up and down her lane, leaving a guy sitting at the edge of the pool with his prick out waiting for her to finish her lap. Once each girl completes her swim she wades between her guy’s parted legs and gives him a poolside blowjob. This idea for a Pornolympics variation on the classic sport of swimming is a clever one and it’s funny to watch, adding extra excitement to the moment of reaching the finishing line. Veronica Sanchez is there first, then Cherry and Lulu – but Tea is a straggler, doggy-paddling the final length while her guy, Antonio Ross, who’s having to wait longer than his chums to get his dick sucked, beckons her on, amused by her tardiness. A number of dour officials in shirt sleeves oversee the swimming, recording times. Each of the four studs, having got his cock well sucked, lifts his girl out of the pool and sits her down on a chair to massage her legs. Then the prizes are presented. Lulu and Cherry have won bronze and silver respectively. Their medals hang nicely between their pert, shapely breasts. Veronica has scooped the gold, and she swings her medal proudly between her fuller, fleshier breasts. Only Tea is left without a medal, but what she lacks in swimming ability she’s already made up for with the enthusiasm of her cock sucking!

Our eight performers head for the adjoining shallow pool. There the girls carry on giving blowjobs, but before long everyone climbs out of the water and the scene develops into a memorable, full-on orgy. J. F. Romagnoli, the movie’s director, is wickedly creative in the way he sets up the poolside action. He ensures there’s plenty to see in each shot, in both the foreground and the background, with the different couples getting down and dirty in various positions. Tea and Veronica lead the way in terms of branching out of the couple sets and complicating the interactions. They’re alive to the sex going on around them and they manoeuvre between partners to get more involved. Cherry Jul is also in her element, smiling and squealing with what appears to be genuine delight as the orgy gathers pace.

Highlights include a shot of Tea holding two hard pricks against her face and turning her head frantically from one to the other, sucking cock for all she’s worth. Cherry gets a double penetration and she relishes every minute of it, urging the studs to slam it to her harder. As for Lulu, she’s just as watchable as the others, but she’s the demure one; she seems more comfortable in moments when she’s focussing her attention on a single partner, in her own space, one-to-one – although she does join in with the orgy and she’s a vital part of the mix.

This swimming pool scene is a long scene and it must have taken a good few hours to shoot. The length isn’t a problem because the whole thing is so busy and action-packed; the entertainment doesn’t let up. By the end of the scene the main pool seems dimmer, as if the day is drawing to a close, and the water is now shimmering with orange reflections from the poolside lights. The girls’ hair seems to have dried out during the fucking but it remains sexily tangled – the girls haven’t had the chance to groom since their swim!

For the cum finale the performers again arrange themselves as four couples, with each guy spunking over his girl. Impressively, the first three ejaculations are all covered within a single shot. The camera steadies as one guy pops, then it lingers for a while before moving over to the next couple. The fact that three of the four orgasms take place one after the other in the same shot is a testament, really, to the remarkable ability of these guys to cum on cue, waiting their turn and unloading their wads exactly when required.

Veronica gets it first. She takes a shower of cum over her bum, with some of the jizz trickling down her flank. She gathers up the goo on her fingers and puts it in her mouth. Cherry is next up, receiving a high-speed discharge over her mouth, lips and chin. She helps out her guy moments before he pops by looking up at him and wrinkling her nose in a naughty, encouraging smile. Third up is Lulu. She, too, gets a cum shower over the ass, and she reaches back to fondle her guy’s balls as he lets it all out. Lulu’s butt is a firm, delectable one, sporting a sexy tattoo – the perfect target for a jizzing. Lulu wets her fingers with some of the spent juice then sucks on them, while Veronica and Cherry crawl towards her butt to lick up the rest of the mess. Last up is Tea, the third of the girls to get her ass cummed on. Tea’s guy squirts his sperm across her bum cleavage, then the other three girls surround her and smear the stuff all over her buttocks.

The scene ends in a fun way with the guys grabbing the girls and jumping with them into the main pool. Everyone splashes around and has a laugh, as if to celebrate their brilliant performance!

Scene 4: Jasmine Rouge, Sandra Black, Sera Passion, Simony Diamond, three guys

Our studio anchor, Sai-Taiger, introduces the next Pornolympics event, which, she says, is taking place in Marseilles. It’s a countryside cycling race… but with a difference! Four girl cyclists set off from the starting line, cheered on by some onlookers. The competitors are naked except for skimpy number designations tied around their chests. This time the party piece is that the bicycle seats have all been fitted with big bendy dildos, jutting upright, so that as the girls pedal along the route their pussies slide up and down the phallic appendages. The ‘Eurotrash’ dimensions of this contest are compounded by the music track – a comically disingenuous rock guitar riff – and by the voyeuristic way the camera follows behind the cyclists, zeroing in on their asses.

As we watch the race, it’s clear that the dildo attachments make it awkward for the girls to keep their balance. Although three of the girls get the hang of it, Jasmine Rouge struggles somewhat and falls behind: at one point she topples off her bike! Jasmine’s difficulties here are just as cute and amusing as Tea’s lack of swimming ability in the last scene – although I think the parallel is coincidental rather than intentional. In the ‘Behind The Scenes’ Extra on the DVD we see a member of the crew prepare for the filming by fitting stumps of wood to the bicycle saddles – the dildos are sheathed around the wood. I have to admit that I winced a little when I saw this – thinking of the girls’ tender pussies grinding against dildos which have been secured with wooden stumps – but I’m sure that adequate consideration must have been given to safety.

Each girl in turn arrives and dismounts at a pit stop where a stud stands by with a bottle of oil ready to lubricate the dildos. Once lubrication has been applied, Simony, Sandra and Sera plant their pussies back on the dildos and resume their cycling, whereas Jasmine, the last girl to arrive at the pit stop, gives up on the race and stays to give the stud head. She rubs his cock briskly and takes it all the way in, causing thick strings of saliva to loop down between her lips and his shaft. She’s so cock-crazed that she even subjects his rock hard member to a couple of gratuitous whacks with her hand in between guzzles.

Meanwhile the girls who are still in the race cycle across a quaint bridge and arrive at the finishing line, where they are welcomed by a token crowd of a few people. Simony, the winner, drops her bike to the ground and immediately unzips the pants of one of the officials, Bob Terminator, so that she can suck on his dick. Sera and Sandra follow suit, sharing the prick of a second official. The crowd continues to whoop – and I have to say that their poorly-acted ongoing applause is every bit as distracting as the noise created by the audience in the earlier mud-wrestling scene. Thankfully, in this case, the onlookers stop their tedious clapping and cheering after a couple of minutes, before the scene gets really started.

Simony, Sera and Sandra fuck the two officials on the grass, and after a while they’re joined by Jasmine and the guy who gave out the lubricant. There’s a lot going on in this scene, including some fast and furious fellatio, but the dominant positions are cowgirl and reverse cowgirl. This gives ample opportunity to enjoy the spectacle of girls on top, with widely parted thighs and humping, firm round butts. Simony steals the scene with a double penetration, but the other girls get up to plenty of horny antics, too. I like it when Sandra lies face up across Sera’s back: one of the studs stuffs his prick up Sandra’s love mound, giving her a missionary poke, then he slips it just below to shag Sera doggy style. Simony and Jasmine take cumshots over their vaginas and bellies while Sera’s pale bum cheeks get splattered with jizz. The girls lap up the spent cum from each others’ bodies and give each other lingering kisses, staring at the camera while they smooch.

On the whole, the camera favours Simony, especially at the beginning of the scene. Not only has she won the race, but she’s the one who takes it up the ass! Of the four girls, Simony is the most established star, so her prominence is unsurprising. But as I watch the scene I find myself wanting to look more and more at Sera, who’s now become my personal favourite of the four. There’s something about this young blonde… With her pretty, fresh face Sera’s very much the college girl type, and she brings a touch of gum-chewing sassiness to her image, too, which firms up her appeal. Sera is often seen sucking or fucking in the background, behind Simony or Jasmine. If I was actually present at the scene, as a voyeur in person, I’d be freeing myself from the cameraman’s preferences and making it my mission to ogle Sera more closely. Getting a long look at this blonde honeypot would often entail peering over Simony’s shoulder – or craning past her dark-haired head, as she bobs to and fro giving blowjobs – so I hope she wouldn’t take offence!

Scene 5: Black Angelika, Kathy Campbel, Lucy Belle, Veronica, Nick Lang, Ricardo Bell and a cameo appearance by Britney

The next event is a marathon run by four girls, Black Angelika, Kathy Campbel, Lucy Belle and Veronica. (This scene’s Veronica – aka Naomy – isn’t to be confused with Veronica Sanchez, who competed in the swimming.) At the starting point, two male officials make a meal of standing behind the girls and tying the cords of their number designations, flimsy pieces of light fabric which barely cover the contestants’ otherwise naked breasts. The girls are kitted out in sexy shorts and the cameraman has fun shooting close-ups of their asses as they limber up for the marathon. Black Angelika adds an extra touch by wearing a baseball cap, which certainly looks cute planted on top of her fine head of straight black hair.

The contestants run past two checkpoints in a wooded area before arriving at a beach, where the race finishes. Each stage is monitored by the officials, Nick Lang and Ricardo Bell. It’s necessary for the scene that there’s no bunching – there have to be significant distances between each girl, the girl immediately behind her and the girl immediately in front. This is because whenever a competitor reaches a checkpoint she must stop for thirty seconds to perform a specified sexual act with an official before she can resume the marathon… the girls have to arrive at intervals long enough to avoid a need for queuing!

At the first checkpoint each girl must take a turn to suck Nick Lang’s cock for half a minute. Ricardo Bell blows a whistle and holds a stop-watch to time the blowjobs. At the second checkpoint it’s Ricardo’s turn for some fun. While Nick checks the stop-watch, Ricardo sits on the branch of a fallen palm tree and each girl in turn must lower her shorts and ride his cock for thirty seconds before running off to the beach. There’s a delicious perversity about these episodes of serial sex – a perversity which arises from the impersonal nature of what’s happening, its competitive context, the quick turnaround and the officious way in which the guys instruct the girls and urge them on. The scene is a challenge for the guys, too, as they have to hold back from cumming until the finale on the beach.

Kathy is the first girl to arrive for the blowjob round. The whistle blows and she gets straight down to business. The guys snap at her to hurry up. This is amusingly unfair because our front-runner is already doing her best to give Nick’s cock a rapid-action gobble during the time allowed! Lucy struggles to fit into her own thirty seconds an example of some deep-throat suction – one of her trademarks – but she hardly has time for that! Veronica tries to impress by looking sideways at the camera with Nick’s cock in her mouth, but, again, there’s too little time to get gimmicky! When it’s Angelika’s turn, Nick cheekily takes off her baseball cap and puts it back on her head the wrong way round so that her face is visible to the camera. It stays that way for the rest of the scene!

There’s more fun at the second checkpoint. Lucy enjoys riding Ricardo’s dick so much that at the end of her thirty seconds she ignores Nick’s whistle blow – he has to whistle a second time, more sharply! After Veronica’s leisurely wriggle atop Ricardo, Black Angelika runs up to take her turn. As soon as she’s in her stride, bouncing on Ricardo’s cock, Angelika angles her butt towards the camera to increase her exposure. Ricardo responds by grabbing her elevated right leg by the shin, bending her knee and resting her calf over his thigh – but this move obscures our view of her ass! Pettishly, she pulls her leg away to where it was before – and the amused Ricardo gives her a little “What the fuck?” gesture with his open hand. Kathy is the last girl to mount Ricardo’s prick at this checkpoint and she gets a very sexy rhythm going. Ricardo slaps her ass when the whistle blows and off she runs! These little bits of business during the marathon are among my favourite parts of the movie because they’re typical of the clever way in which Romagnoli has succeeded in combining humour with horniness.

Nick and Ricardo wait on the beach at a third checkpoint, together with a blonde girl who’s kneeling forward, half-buried in the sand, with her butt sticking out. The runners must stop to perform another task here, between the officials’ whistle blows, before jogging further along the beach to get to the finishing point: they have to take turns to lick out the blonde girl’s ass! This kneeling blonde stays perfectly still throughout the task and she remains anonymous. She’s facing away from the camera and her proffered butt is seen only in a wide shot. Her immobility as the receptacle of the other girls’ ass-licking adds another perverted dimension to the marathon. (In fact, this blonde is Britney, making a brief reappearance after her scene with Zenza at the beginning of the movie. We know it’s Britney if we watch the ‘Behind The Scenes’ chapter among the DVD’s Special Features, because this includes footage of the starlet at the location and her face is visible there – she’s seen washing the sand off her hands in the surf.)

The marathon ends on the beach with some terrific sex between the four competitors and the two guys. At the finishing point Nick and Ricardo lie next to each other in the sand, completely naked, waiting for a winner. Angelika romps home first, closely followed by Kathy. These two waste no time in discarding their shorts to straddle a man each. Veronica and Lucy take third and fourth places, joining in by teasing the guys’ balls and giving intermittent blowjobs as the cocks slide in and out of the winners’ pussies. After a while the girls swap places, with Lucy and Veronica each mounting a guy. Later on, Veronica breaks off to stimulate Angelika with her slippery tongue, leaving the two cocks to Lucy and Kathy. There’s quite a wind blowing by now, dominating the soundtrack, and at one point a boom appears in the frame, but these technical issues don’t disturb our enjoyment of this frenetic scene.

There’s some confusion as to who the real winner is – Black Angelika comes in first, yet Kathy Campbel is feted as the champion. This must be because it’s Kathy who excels sexually, monopolising both cocks at the end of the scene. There’s a wild twinkle in Kathy’s bright eyes which makes her a porn star to be reckoned with! Nick fucks her cunt while she guzzles on Ricardo’s cock. She takes an energetic double penetration – with Ricardo pumping her pussy and Nick, on top, slamming away at her ass. As the other competitors gather around, Kathy receives a facial from both of the guys. She attracts more than enough jizz to share with all the girls, kissing her co-stars and rubbing her sticky mouth, cheeks and chin against their gleeful faces.

As for the the studio-bound Sai-Taiger, she’s introduced the marathon and provided a brief commentary as a link between coverage of the first two checkpoints. She’s shown her usual enthusiasm about the action but she’s admitted to feeling envious of the Pornolympics girls and the sexual gratification they enjoy. When we next see her, she’s announcing a gymnastics event…

Scene 6: Adrianna Ruso, Dorina Golden, Gina Blonde, Jeny Baby, Lea Lexus, Misty Mild, six guys

The production team take over a large gymnasium where no less than six couples compete in a sex tournament, the last game of the Pornolympics. The contest is overseen by four officials and an on-screen cameraman. (The officials don’t participate in the sex, this time.) The idea is that whichever of the six studs is the last to cum wins the tournament for himself and his partner. None of the six girls in this scene has appeared earlier in the movie, so although we are drawing towards the end of the film the scene feels fresh. As the cast files into the gym, Lea Lexus draws attention to her athleticism by doing an impressive series of cartwheels…

The six couples each assume a place on the gym mats, spreading themselves out evenly in a way which fills up the large space. The studs go completely naked while the girls strip out of everything except their training shoes. Two of the officials, wearing suits, sit at a desk in front of the mats, ready to judge the couples’ performances. One calls out a series of positions which the couples must simultaneously perform, with several minutes being set aside for each position. The positions are: (i) blowjob with deep throat; (ii) spoon; (iii) reverse cowgirl; (iv) doggy and (v) freestyle. By the time the couples have fucked their way through these five sections, only three of the guys have managed to hold back their cum. The three finalists stand alongside each other with their girls kneeling in front of them, and the last guy to cum on his partner’s face is the winner.

Romagnoli’s approach in conferring a rigid formality on the sequence of positions (until we reach the ‘freestyle’ section) makes this interesting and unusual as a sex scene. Also, compared with most other scenes involving a large cast, it’s different in that it doesn’t become an orgy – each person remains exclusively with their original partner because they’re supposed to be competing with the other couples. Of course, the performers can’t help but be aware of neighbouring couples, if only because of the surrounding sounds of moaning, slurping and slapping. There’s something oddly arousing about this formal sequencing of the action and the close-proximity separation of the six couples fucking simultaneously!

Everyone is given more or less equal coverage until the studs start to cum, and it’s fascinating to compare the girls’ varying strengths, rhythms and styles as they do the same sex acts at the same time. Wherever we look there are bobbing heads, bouncing breasts and wobbling bums – depending on the position that’s been called. Romagnoli enhances the effect by fielding different on-screen surrogates for the viewer. The two officials who aren’t seated wear shirt sleeves and ties and walk slowly up and down between the couples, in the midst of the action, with their hands clasped behind their backs. They monitor the sex with lofty detachment and a discreet voyeurism which is almost creepy. On the other hand, the on-screen cameraman is more actively voyeuristic, getting close up to the performances and filming low, weaving shots – footage of a sort to which we ourselves are treated. Romagnoli includes a few elevated shots, too, to cover the whole space: perhaps the off-screen cameraman achieved these high angles by climbing wall-bars rigged at the side of the gym which we don’t get to see!

Lea Lexus confirms that she’s the most athletic of the girls when, during the freestyle sequence, she performs the splits on top of her guy’s cock. Jeny Baby looks the sporty type as well, with a perfectly proportioned hardbody and a cute ponytail which flaps around during the cowgirl stuff. Jeny opts for anal sex in the doggy and freestyle sections, so she deserves special credit for that! Adrianna Ruso looks the least at home on a gym mat, wearing big hoop earrings and a gold necklace which would be more suitable for an evening occasion. She seems to be enjoying herself, though! Dorina Golden contorts her face with expressions which walk the line between pain and ecstasy, while Misty Mild looks as glorious as a goddess in the spoon position. The prize for the tightest ass should go to Gina Blonde, whose partner relishes every chance he gets to grab and squeeze her firm, compact buttocks!

The first guy to cum is Dorina’s partner, settling for an early finish during the doggy section. He deserves to lose, actually, because he shakes his cock so wildly that his heaviest jet of spunk flies backwards in his own direction rather than striking Dorina’s ass cheeks. Still, there’s enough semen left for her to gather up in her fingers – which she duly sucks while looking at us nastily. The other couples take much longer to reach a climax, so our spent guy uses up the remaining time cuddling Dorina and licking her pussy. This canoodling pair are not the subject of anymore close-ups, but their post-coital embraces can be seen in the background for the rest of the scene. One down, five to go…

The freestyle section proves the end of the road for Misty’s partner. Unable to wait any longer, he deposits a generous load of creamy jizz over Misty’s stomach. She scoops up most it with her fingers, making a show of licking her digits while giving us some saucy smirks. Next up is Adriana’s man. He’s bang on target with a facial, leaving Adriana’s face glistening with dirty smiles. A dollop of semen rolls out of her mouth…

The three couples left are the finalists. Proud of their stamina, the guys stand in a row while their girls kneel down and brace themselves for a jizzing. Gina’s partner unloads dramatically. He soaks Gina with lashings of cum, eliciting a pleased smile from the girl. The spunk lands on her tongue, face, forehead and breasts, dribbling everywhere. She rewards his cock with some folllow-up sucking. Seconds later, Jeny’s guy beckons the cameraman to approach him, as he knows his own time has come. He ejaculates his sticky strings of jizz inside Jeny’s wide-open mouth. Jeny glances at the camera, even in the middle of the ejaculation, as if to check that we’re watching! She uses her tongue and fingers to play with the mess and she looks at us with an expression of feline pleasure – she’s the cat who’s got the cream! Lea and her partner know that they’re now the last couple to go – this means that they’ve won the tournament! The winning guy flexes his muscles in triumph. Lea rubs his cock against her lapping tongue, triggering a champion cumshot. Thick trails of spunk fill Lea’s mouth, drop down to her breasts and curl across her face. When she’s finished guzzling on her man’s cock she stands up with him and they whoop together, celebrating their victory!

Scene 7: Sai-Taiger / six anonymous cocks

As the immaculate hostess of the Pornolympics, Sai-Taiger triggers every fantasy the viewer’s ever had about beautiful female presenters on TV. That’s why what happens next is so satisfying – as well as surprising. At the tail end of her live broadcast from the studio desk, Sai-Taiger suddenly finds herself the subject of a bukkake scene! Six guys from the technical crew take turns to walk up to her and to cum over her while she remains at her desk. We never see the guys’ faces. The camera focusses on Sai-Taiger’s head and shoulders – with an occasional shot of her chest, too, to highlight all the spunk saturating her silk blouse. The guys who step forward alternate between her left and right hand side. They liberate their cocks from their jeans and jerk themselves off in very short time. During the moments before each orgasm, Sai-Taiger looks up at the guy or at his cock, and she awaits the cumshot with passive acceptance. Never once does she lose her compusure. As the cum spurts forth, the only trace of a personal reaction is in the slight flare of her nostrils, or the blink of an eye, or a curling of her upper lip. The most extraordinary aspect of this scene – it’s both funny and arousing – is that between each ejaculation Sai-Taiger turns back to address her TV audience. Showing consummate professionalism, she keeps her broadcaster’s persona intact. She continues with her television patter, despite the increasing accumulation of fresh semen on her face! There’s some tinny, upbeat music playing in the background. This is exactly the kind of music we’d associate with the closing moments of a sports programme, and it suggests that the end credits are about to roll.

Director Romagnoli appears to have learned a lesson since making an earlier movie for Private, ‘Sex Survivors II’, in 2007. As a spoof ‘Reality TV’ show, ‘Sex Survivors II’ prefigures ‘Pornolympics’ in the sense that it also features a porn star in role as a studio presenter. In the case of ‘Sex Survivors II’, it’s Judith Fox, a former Woodman babe, who plays this part. The difference is that at no point does Judith perform with any cocks – she’s only ever a linking commentator, albeit a sexy one with a good share of air time. Her fans may have felt disappointed that she doesn’t get a piece of the sex action by the end of the movie. So ‘Pornolympics’ represents an advance over this. As if to redress the balance, Romagnoli ensures that Sai-Taiger, his latest spoof presenter, is drenched in cum at the climax of her own studio broadcast! A second difference is that Judith Fox addresses her TV audience in her own voice, without dubbing. Judith is a competent English speaker but her Hungarian accent adds a kind of euro-porn flavour to her show. By contrast, the well-spoken English voice artist who dubs Sai-Taiger lends a precious patina to the presenter’s persona, as I noted earlier – and this makes the dirtiness of the bukkake scene all the more exciting!

The anonymous six guys who provide the cum for Sai-Taiger must have been playing with themselves for a good while before stepping up. They’re all fully primed by the time they take their turns, and they cum in quick succession. Assuming that the male viewer masturbating at home has managed to sit through the previous six scenes of the movie without having an orgasm yet (quite an assumption!), these six guys function as stand-ins for that viewer… It’s almost as if their on-screen orgasms, coming right at the end, afford the viewer a vicarious authorisation to reach his own point-of-no-return and to make Sai-Taiger the subject of his climactic fantasy. After all, she deserves this honour as the one girl in the cast who’s made appearances throughout the film! Sai-Taiger’s lines seem to have a subtext which bears out this reading of what’s going on…

Sai-Taiger: “Well, dear friends, the first day of the Pornolympics is over. It has been an unforgettable and very arousing experience…”

Guy #1 walks forward and ejaculates just before completing his approach. He spurts a second too early, missing Sai-Taiger’s face by a fraction, yet spoiling her blouse. Okay, he’s fallen short of his target – but the urgency of his need to cum is exciting in itself!

Sai-Taiger: “…so arousing, it seems, that even our technical staff have lost control of their otherwise undoubtedly very professional behaviour! But I don’t blame them for it.”

Guy #2 dumps most of his cum on Sai-Taiger’s blouse as well, but he does succeed in getting some of it in the corner of her mouth. At this point there seems to be some cheating… Romagnoli cuts away from Sai-Taiger’s face to get a close view of the sticky wet patches around her collar, but, when he returns to a facial shot, she’s suddenly got a droplet of cum hanging from the middle of her lower lip. This wasn’t there before, so she must have scooped it into place when we weren’t looking! Crafty!

Sai-Taiger: “Judging by the huge amount of SMS, emails and calls we have received, I can tell that you really enjoyed the first day of our competition. We’ll be back again tomorrow with another special programme on the Pornolympics, which we hope you’ll like as much as today’s.”

Guy #3 is a hero who really kicks this scene into touch. As the TV music swells to a crescendo, he lets forth several torrents of cum which splatter spectacularly against the side of Sai-Taiger’s face. Her eyelashes are congealed with goo, and she’s left with multiple streaks of the stuff on her cheek and chin. Bravo!

Sai-Taiger: “Our computer system will now work out the voting results of today. As you know, we’ll be choosing today’s lucky winner amongst all the SMS, emails and phone calls received – who will win a trip, with all expenses paid!”

Guy #4 has a distinctive cumshot technique. He holds his cock still for a few seconds before his ejaculation, giving the shaft a tight squeeze. After a moment of suspense he delivers the goods with an arc of cum looping over Sai-Taiger’s nose. By now, she looks properly soaked!

Sai-Taiger: “If you haven’t been lucky, we invite you to try again tomorrow. Today’s lucky winner has been Johnny Blair of Melbourne, Australia!”

Guy #5 unleashes a veritable fountain of cum. Heavy drops descend from Sai-Taiger’s mouth and chin. (By the way, it’s interesting that her line should identify by name “the lucky winner” among her viewers. I wonder whether this is just a name made up by the scriptwriter. Perhaps it’s a name-check for some actual fan?)

Sai-Taiger: “Wow! This is a surprise, as we’ve been chosen as the best event of the day! I’m honoured! I guess that our spectators are feeling very horny today!”

Guy #6 rounds off the cumshots with an impressive discharge over Sai-Taiger’s mouth. As she turns to the camera for the last time, to deliver the punch-line and give us a smile, the combined semen on her face looks like a sticky wet beard!

Sai-Taiger: “And now the results… The audience has decided that today’s best athlete has been… oh!… it’s me! Thank you! I’ll be back tomorrow! Goodbye!”

‘Pornolympics’ is truly epic. I count twenty-two girls and twenty-three cumshots in all! (There may even have been another scene, one which never made it into the finished film – the ‘Behind The Scenes’ footage in the DVD ‘Extras’ includes material shot in a gym, with models who don’t appear in the movie.) But it’s quality, not quantity, that matters; Romagnoli carries the torch for Private with his creative ideas, his sense of fun – and his intuitive understanding of what will turn the viewer on! Highly recommended!